You.

My words have no meaning.
My life has No Meaning.
I have no meaning.
...Until You snapped Me out of it.
You broke down every wall I so carefully constructed to keep
Men like You away in merely weeks.
You know that I'm a wreck.
and You know I can't breath.
as the Months turn into Years....
I see how much You've changed.
and How much I love You.
You're everything and beyond.

I just feel like talking.
Not that You'll listen.
Not that You'll care.
Not that You'll think twice about this random post.
Not for Your approval.
No, I write for me.
I write to stay sane.
I write because it matters to me.
it matters to me.
not that You'll ever read this.
not that I'll care
not that I'll think twice if you do.
not that my problems concern you.
not that i have any problems.
well. that would be a lie,
not that I'll share them.
not that you'd care.
not that I'd let you know
if anyone compares.
I'm moving aloud and your fighting this cloud
not that I'll notice no more shade above my head.
not that I'll care.
not that I'll care.
but the best good deeds are done unnoticed right?
well you haven't noticed me.
so how does it feel.
not that you care.
not that i care.
but i know you care
not that i think about you.
not that i noticed you didn't notice.
not that i care.
so I'll stop talking in cycles just enough for you
to breath some air. because you've been fighting me
ever since i arrived here.

And why would You even ask Me!?

Taking a breath.
to answer this question you've asked.
yes you're comparing me to my past.
yes i can't think
you've clouded my thought almost instantly
breathing heavily.
trying to figure out my response your insanity.
my insanity.
''why no, I am not. why would You eve ask Me that. You don't know me?
So don't even pretend you care about the answer i'm giving you right now.
because you never stopped me before. what's changed? Leave me alone. all you know
is rumors. fiction. or My past you only want the answer to fuel your gossip
craving for the day. so go turn around don't face my back.
no, don't face the mark you've obviously made today. go and tell them
yes i used to want to take my life.
but No. you do not know ME you just know the action i used to want to inflict
upon my human body...''
Yes You.
Yes you.
Yes You
the judgers of judgement
Your books are filled with lies.
i'm calling you out.
i don't even care.
I am i angry?
No.
Am I bothered.
No.
Do I care?
Yes.
because what you do to me is what you'll do to someone else who wasn't
strong enough to stop the thoughts.

''Moving Aloud'' -Kasi Oscar

It's the saddest thing when you are wrong. and I am right
I can't control and you can't move on.
so now lets start a fight.
I'm still holding on tonight.
what's it gonna take for you to see
I'm nothing more than me.
i am nothing more then me.
You keep writing your love songs.
all that fantasy.
when everything with us has gone wrong
escape what you can't be.
I'm escaping what we can't be.

It's a breaking cycle.
I'm finding out.
you're in my denial.
I'm moving aloud.
I'm taking this time
your making your rhythms.
I'm fighting a fight
and you're still not in sight.
I'm freaking out
your finding now.
i can't
i can't
i can't believe in you,
if you won't believe in me.

starting fresh is the easiest thing to do.
until you bring up something
something that I've lost in You.
You're complicated.
You're my frustration
You can't let anything go.
I'm still out of control
and I don't know who you are anymore
at least to me.
let's not forget.
our summer memories.
I'm faking it now
your taking it out on me.
I'm considering
everything you were to me.
you were something to me..

Beautiful..

You're beautiful. beyond belief.
just ask anyone.
they can see your heart.
as much as you keep it guarded.
i can see how strong it is.
i hope those scars will disappear.
you make my every day.
I save all our memories for when I'm sad.
because you make it better.
you're beautiful every little piece love.
I wish you knew.
I wish you knew.
I wish you knew just home much I love you.
Stay beautiful. stay true. stay You.
<3

And It all disappeared...

I am so thankful.
I was worried for nothing.
i was trembling in fear
I was thinking of how you could stop waking up
how you could loose all your hair.
how i could watch your coffin descend to dirt.
i could see my tears on your grave stone.
i saw life without you.
i saw life without you
i saw life in pain
i saw a life i hated
i am so thankful
i am so thankful
i saw your face
i got your letter
i am so thankful
i am so thankful
i can't believe you're OK
i can't believe you still here.
all my fear all my fear
at the sign of that letter.
it all disappeared.

I'm containing these swinging fists.
I'm shutting everything out.
I can't think about who I am.
because I know I'm lost.
Your standards are smothering me.
so I'll just stop breathing.
I'll just stop breathing.
facing reality.
I'm at a loss.
I'm lost.
I'm not here.
I'm not all there.
You've taken me.
and left me somewhere.
I'm lost.
I can't find myself anymore.
You've taken every last piece of me.
I HATE me.
I HATE Me.
You HATE me.
you must.
you do.
I do.
I miss.
You don't.
I do.
stop.
confused.
angry.
bitter.
and.
abused.

Sickening to think.

When did I stop trying to defend myself.
where did My dignity go?
when did I let you push Me around
I never really knew You did I?
So I can't really tell when this change came.
but Who I thought I knew, is NOT this person Who is standing
before Me with His fists up as if the worlds out to get Him.
I am not weak,
I am Strong.I just forgot I had a voice for a moment there.
When did I forget.
Oh I remember.
The first time You made Me feel like the leftover dirt
on the bottom of Your shoe.
that's right.
I acted like dirt.
it doesn't mean I am dirt.
This feeling like I can't measure up is sickening.
and You're the flu that's causing it.
You're making me nauseous with My own stupidity that I
would think so low of Myself.
I can't figure this out but what's starting now is Myself
changing back to whom My best friend says I am.
No He doesn't define me. but He sure as heck helps Me with
realizing the truth.

..blah

Sometimes screaming helps.