So you've changed me
i was such a innocent
but you, you came here
expecting me to know
to know who you are.
to really see your heart,
well how can i win. when
you guarded yourself from the
very start?

This might brake me
This might tare Me down
Down faster as i Hit the ground
But i won't let it show
I'll keep it all inside
no one even knows why i never cry.
I hold it all inside.
I'll keep it altogether on the outside


it's getting kinda crazy
an up and a down
i feel my feet rise up from the
ground. don't drop me to hard
or the pieces will scatter.
of my broken heart.
i can't figure you out.
and I'm starting to freak out.


So you give me hope
then you take it away
you give me love
and the you send hate
i can't keep playing your
dark twisting games.
i am losing
and you the very same.
you're the very same.

''Missing You is like Missing Air.''

''..And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it..'' - Flyleaf

B-U-M

B= Bestfriend
U= Who's Understanding
M= My Frusteration In you.

''...A World Without Mirrors...''-Kasi

As I peer into the mirror
in such disgust.
disgust.
can't believe you love me
can't believe I believed you did
can't believe you left me
missing you makes the disgust in the mirror turn into a ferocious monster
looking at me as if it could swallow me whole.
you used to fight off this monster
this monster my minds created but no.
no
no
no
I'm sorry i ever believed in you.
I'm sorry for saying sorry for everything i can't control
stupid mirror
stupid mind
I want to destroy you
I want You to go away
a world without mirrors
would equal to a world without shallowness,
self hatred,
feeling i have to measure up to something I know my mind will never let Me even try to accomplish but still I try don't I!?
I keep standing in the mirror
I can't stop standing in the mirror
..I think I'm hoping for something to change..
I bet. You don't even remember my name.

Sadness??

quote of the day.

'' If family's aren't embarrassing, They're dead''

Doing Nothing..

I don't let it get to Me.
I'm just happy you're here with Me.
Sitting doing nothing.
Why? because Right now. it's just You and Me.

I Know.
I Know.
When I Cry. you'll hold me,I Know, because you promised.
I Know.
I Know.
When I'm Angry You'll force me to hug you, I know, because you promised
I Know.
I Know.
When You make a promise you keep it,I Know, because you promised.
I Know.
I Know.
I Know. and I hope You Do Too. That Of Coarse. I Love You.

L.O.V.E- Kasi Oscar

L.O.V.E, Love. is what I used to think of when I thought of You.
but now You've changed inside, haven't you? I have a different perspective
i can't stop it.a New Direction now Love stands for

L. is for the Lies
O. is for the over judgmental mind
V. is for the values you used to stand on
And E. is for every hope I lost in you.
they're all Gone now.

.....................................................................................

I'm OK with this.
it's a new experience for Me
I affects me A Little
but not to where I don't Love Her.
I Loved her before
And I love Her just the same now.
I love Her because so does God.
it's stereo typical, you would think I'd hate Her now
But God is LOVE isn't He??
We (humans) are not to judge or hate or even be weirded out about it.
we are to illuminate Christ and not rejecting Them.
I understand.
I don't agree with it either.
but it doesn't mean I just Hate Her.
Why? how is that right??

Re-examine

''You're Not Sorry.
No,No,No...Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know. could have loved you all my life if you didn't leave Me waiting in the cold...''



Trying to re-examine my thoughts clearly.
but since when did my thoughts get so clear
ex specially about you?
About you.
Somethings Changed.
Not in Me but in you
And I'm not sure I like it to much
...She's changed you and now.
And It's funny. the thought of You..Sometimes
Because I know This won't last forever.
But. When it does end.
The person who REALLY knows you.
will be there to pick up the pieces of who she made you out to be.

confused

I'm So Confused.
It almost hurts my small mind.
to a point were it might explode.
into a million peices.

Complicated

Is It So Simply to speak the words I've been wanting to for so very long?
Is it so easy to think up a situation in my mind that My heart will absolutely love to feel the feelings in that moment.
Is it so stupid that I think it'd be way to complicated to even try?
Is it so sensible to think I could be doing this all instead of waiting for you to
realize these wishes.
I think it's all so complicated.
But living once is only living once.
and what if.
this
was
My
Only
chance
at
You.

''You won't come ...''- Cassie Oscar

''Dear Sorrow Rise from this night because I will hope for all eternity''

Silence. Left alone with only reflections of the memory to face the ugly girl in the mirror...
Silence to have and to hold alone
Silence that slaps you in the face oh so subtly
silence that won't leave
and you won't come to break it with your voice.
your voice that is silent.
silence
silence
silence
silence
silence
Silence with no ending or beginning
silence with no ending or beginning.
Silence lift, silence Lift.

Sorrow lift

Peering into the once innocent eyes I came to love.
Sorrow lift, through this night. I'll take this piece of you and hope for all eternity...You used to be so amazing
then. the words pierced you're soul. unfix able. unstable. a lost cause that i can't seem but fight the reality you're living...a time will come were I'll be standing alone holding your Irish pin in hand and your beautiful masterpiece through my eyes.
dear sorrow lift from this night. I'll hope for you to come back for all eternity.

It's so Very simply -Cassie Oscar

So Simply.
Some thoughts spilled out of my mind, to my hands, to the keys, to the world, of five people who will care to listen.
find meaning in my words. disproving the very thing I claim to be.
Disproving all your memories of this so called Me.
This person I've been staying in line to prove myself.
To no one. to no one. who is listening...
And I can't find it, My soul. under construction.
I'm a rebel.
I'm a Stand Out in the crowd.
This illusion of being ''Me''
Of being ''Me'' the Me you've made me out to seem to be.
I'm an out cast
I may be different
because I refuse to conform to anything
Anyone who's under the Gun...
I'll be MY own Me.

Sickness??

''Do not get me wrong I cannot wait for you to come home
For now you're not here and I'm not there, it's like we're on our own
To figure it out, consider how to find a place to stand
Instead of walking away and instead of nowhere to land
This is gonna to break me clean in two
This is gonna to bring me close to you''

Sickness.
that feeling at the pit of your stomache like you can't discribe completely in words.
When you miss that person who can only them bring that feeling you can't discribe but I'll attempt too.

It's like you're nauseous but not.
like you can't stop the feeling of longing in your stomache when
you're away from them.
home sickness.
>.< the very feeling of loneliness.

Rain

A hundred Thousand words could not explain. but when we talk it out in the rain some reason i make sense.
maybe because the sky is crying for me.

Stoping to analyze the situation at hand.not in my own but in yours. can you just close your palm until that idea has the lungs to breath right and true. right now you're not ready. but I don't think I'll understand when you can't do anything about it.
Don't get angry. i can't let myself. such selfishness. i believed there's hope buried beneath it all.
in the palm of your hand lies hope. and safety. i can't grasp it. because do not awaken love until love is self awakens.

don't awake it. stop letting your fingers fly up every time you're with me
keep your palm shut. shut. shut. please.

I've remembered...

Something I've learned.
But obviously nothing I've gained from it.
Have you seen me lately?
Yea...I know.
It's Scary, I bet you wonder who I am anymore.
Well to be completely honest. I have no idea.
But last night.
Yea. when I was screaming at you. I remembered.
and You do not define and will never Define who I am.
But when I'm with you.
I remembered. remembered who I am before the fakeness consumed Me.
I Felt happy...momentarily.
but even though it was brief.
it reminded me.
it reminded me.
You reminded me.I remembered when you dared to describe me.
You used,Caring,amazing,And someone with Dreams.
I forgot about my dreams. lately I've been consumed with an
Ideas never worth pondering.
I've remembered.
I've remembered.
I Realized Never to give my heart away.
to keep it compressed, compressing feelings you keep bringing up.
I told You to never ask me again.
the consistency doesn't matter.
when you really don't care.
I've remembered.
I've Remembered.
I Never going to Forget again.
my heart can't take it if I forgot again.

after fighting back and forth my mind hurts from the circles it's been through.
my eyes hurt from the crying.
my throat hurts from the screaming.
but most of all my heart is absalutly shatterd.
and yes. you're still my bestfriend.
and yes. I know. i'm the stupidest person alive for letting you in.

Holloween....

Holloween. The only day where you can wear a mask and people not ask why you're pretending to be someone your not.

Heart on our sleeves.

If we all wore our hearts on our sleeves. what would i know about you? would your sleeve be dripping with blood from a broken heart or would it have changes on it from addictions. what could i know from your heart. do you keep it guarded or do you not guard it enough? does it have layers of ice. or is it not even there? or is there only pieces left from someone with a mallet coming to shatter it???

Scream-KaSi

Illuminating the silence with a scream.
not of your own.
just a scream. coming through your headphones into your ears.
as you lie your head back to sleep.
to find quietness in your dreams because it is unexscapable from the loudness of the world around you. it's just noise. i find music not noise. any kind it's a form of self exspression. just more noise to block out the noise we have circling our heads.
stupid problems. people who seems like their goal is to completely skrew up your day in your eyes. the one thing that just stops working in your house that after a crapy day pushes you over the edge to make those ever familiar tears stain your face again.
and yet you feel alone with all this noise. but noise to only block out your voice.to numb the affect of self hatred in that one moment for letting the stupid ugly world get to you to accually produce a tear from your body. the only you can control. yet. those days. keep repeating.

pondering..

A question i came up with in my head one day after some pondering on a rainy day. ''is it a lie when you smile but you're not really happy??'' some people say ''no, it just means you're strong.'' well I don't think that. i think it's more self denial or fakeness. but yet we catch ourselves doing it right? People say their day can be made by a strangers smile. why? just because they LOOK happy? well what if they were screaming inside but still insisted on the common courtesy of a smile so you wouldn't know and yet they wouldn't have to explain. if you knew what was behind the smile would it still make your day? i wouldn't think so.

just something I've been pondering....

people

Sometimes people can surprise You.

Stoping to self examine. What really matters in My life. Who really matters in My life.
Who would I miss if today was Their last day here with Me. I think the first person everyone will think is Who Their in Love with..whether it be Their best friend Who doesn't know. Their Family.Or maybe when some think about that. No one comes to mind.
maybe they don't have anyone. maybe their alone. here...on earth. And for those people I have such a longing to be the one person they can count on. make their day better.
not feel Alone. I've always felt that way. and I can't seem to figure out why.
Maybe because once there and have exscaped you want to help everyone out of the hole you fell into the one your mind created that you would think you're alone. ''My lowest moment is thinking you have no other choices....''

END

''Selfless'' -Kasi

So I Give you everything 100% but what I get from you is everything less lately.
We used to be so close. talk every night on the phone. now you left me standing here alone. your don't answer your phone. I did nothing! yet do you think I deserve this to be so brutally shunned by someone I call my best friend? My head is spinning trying to figure out the breaking point of our friendship. our once close friendship. Friendship that you've given up on? I'm sorry maybe I talked about myself to much..but whenever I'd try to talk about You. you'd eventually switch the subject. your selfless. and now I feel selfish. I'm sorry we got to close for your comfort that you had to run away.
I'm just gonna stand here. hoping you realize what you've done to me and come say
Sorry. -Kasi

Empty Wallet

So you were the first one i trusted.
yea,you didn't think i remember did you?
that winter night. When i thought this might
work out into something beautiful.
then i got to know you.
i second guessed myself.
when you couldn't detach. so you
started lieing.trying to make yourself
more exciting. but i wasn't buying it.

(Chorus...i guess)
my wallets empty.from all the people who've
fooled me. into believing they really cared.
i was young and scared. that I'd never measure up.
to anything good enough. to find someone better.
Than You.

my heart has scars, and is colder than usual.
trying to find where my mind left off.
oh Gosh my thoughts, are running in circles..again.
i thought i really knew you.
So now who do i believe in.
to help find the real me?
because I've lost her elsewhere.
someone who's broken again..
then again i swear i knew you.
Boy do i feel stupid.
But then again I'm lucky.
i realized. before you took my whole heart.
it's crazy to think i even liked you.

Don't Believe me Now.'' -Cassie oscar.

Open Your eyes,it's yourself that you despise. Your trying to run away and hang the blame of your own self made pain. every time you run away you don't see what your throwing to the wind behind. You drugs won't help you now.
(Chorus)
And That's when things become hazy,the light in your eyes is fading.
your words have become jaded.
with every puff that you take.your dreams float away.....with the smoke and the ashes
you say it takes the pain away,his whispers have swayed.you were weak you didn't stand you ground.but you don't believe me now.

(Verse 2)
And I've tried to stop you.but with every word from your mouth,just chips at your shoulder again and again.but you still don't listen to the truth.
the truth you ran away from,pushed it aside,trying to hide all the things that consume you now.(to the core)
(Chorus Repeat)
(Bridge)
Then i stop to look at you,your face is unrecognizable.
I Really Miss you,but you don't care,because it's taken you now.
i wish you would believe me,and look in the mirror and see.I'm waiting for the day the fog clears and you come running back to me (my Arms are Open Wide)
(End)

.....Words....

Standing Alone,Quiet Room,Standing here,Facing a Blank Wall, an empty room.A Blank Wall Were Pictures once Stood.A Quiet Room Where voices once Filled.An Empty Room Where Furniture and Mementos once inhabited. It's So Empty in Here,It's So Quiet in here,My Voice echos and bounces off the bare walls,only to bounce back to my ears.This Place,sadly Used To Be Home.I can Still Hear the Screams,I can Feel the Bitter Tears.The Pain...,Oh The Pain Here. Sadly this used to be home. yes My Home.Sadly My Home.

Part of Ever so slightly-Cassie Oscar

everything i hold onto ever so slightly falls apart it get so hard these demon are taring me apart, these scars are never forgotten, but there's light in my darkness!
(Chorus)
It's up and it's down it's like flying but my feet never hit the ground it's an everlasting fight but tonight there's gonna be some light there's something deep in my it'll hold me through the night, i gotta keep it in sight.

When Boredom ceases to exist

Fill your life with....
Wisdom
Faith
Love
Kindness
purity
Christ
Friends
Family......

''contemplating silently'' -Cassie Oscar

(Verse 1)
You come to me saying your hearts consumed with darkness,no glimmer of Hope.
my words have been unspoken for far to long.
I'd hate to get a phone call saying that your Gone.
will you feel better if i told you there's hope?
will it allow you to cope
my heart sinks inside my chest saying silently....

(Chorus)
Don't pull the trigger on your dreams
Don't Fly away into misery
Don't Believe the lie that it's the easy way out
Don't pull the trigger on your dreams

(Verse 2)
You think it'll be the best way for you to end the pain
i know a better way, don't contemplate (Echo Don't contemplate)
You have so much to live for,but your so unsure.
Why can't i say what needs to be said? Don't leave me here to see your blood shed.

(Bridge)
The voice screaming silently breaks out of my throat into words, you stand there tears streaming down your precious cheeks, will you believe me? When i say there's one who can take the pain, and throw it all away,today could be the day when you say hallelujah!

Oh Sleeper-Cassie

Oh Sleeper,oh Sleeper, How I've Watched you lie here for many years.
Will you wake?, do you need a shake or two? to emerge from the bed where you lie.
Will you wake up and walk away?
Oh Sleeper Oh Sleeper
tell me what to do, I'm kneeling her next to you
awaiting your wake, being still in every moment it takes.
just once to see your alive face
I'll pay any price meet any stake,
oh sleeper oh sleeper awake.

Love-By Kids in the way

Love, is it all that you want.
Is it everything you hope for.
Love, is it more than the word that
you use when you look at her.
Love, it will push you around.
It will make you a poor man.
Change your picture of heaven, heaven.

Love, it will make you a man.
It will make you a child again.
Love, does it keep you awake.
Does it change everything you see.
Love, is it worth what you give.
Is it everything you need.
Love. Love, is it all that you want.
Is it everything you've worked for.
Love, is it wearing you down...love

''Doors And latches''-Cassie

An Empty room squeaks of hinges and rusted over latches the doors open wide.
it's swaying from a wind unknown in the distance, I need to grab the handle but it's so far. I'm lying on the bitter cold floor, I'm so broken and so torn. I'm reaching with every breath, it could bring Me to my death I'll let my burdens be, will anything be left of Me?......will anything be left of Me.....

Blur it out.-By Cassie

''Blur it out''
Let the rain pour out around you, let the storm overtake you.
-Blur it out
Let the gunshots blow right through you, let the world crash around you.
-Blur it out
let the knifes stab you, let the blood drawn you
-Blur it out
But don't let your soul decay, or your heart sink away
-Don't Blur this out
No don't walk away, Don't let this moment fade away
Acceptance,repentance,deliverance,
it's my way to end the pain.
-out of the darkness and into the light!
-Cassie

Change?

How Do you expect People to change, if they yet to know God?
A Friend Of Mine said this:
''what ever happened to common courtesy? what ever happened to do on to others as you would do on to your self? i realize these two things will never happen to there full extent but even in there smallest of forms, where did they go? to those who dis agree with this and think that they truly get joy from causing others torment with out cause or reason, you people deserve either the time to change or time before being hung with your own cruelty''
My Response to this was ''it Died with our own self judgement.......own reflectiveness of our actions........It stills lives with God, but how do you expect People to change without Him......?'' I Mean think about it, do those who do not know God know their in sin?-No, i mean Yes they know ''Right'' From ''Wrong'' in THEIR worldview,(To not Kill,Steel..ETC.)
But as far as common courtesy, that statement, ''What ever happened to common courtesy''- How do define it to everyone if they do not truly know the right standards? (Gods standards),The Answer is to let God lead us to what is right or wrong. My Youth Pastor Said once ''Wouldn't it be great if we had a handy dandy book that told us what to do in any circumstance we face while following Gods way?'' To myself i was sitting there thinking yes! that would be great, His next words surprised me greatly,He Said ''well friends,We do, It's the Bible'' -that's truly how to define the right from the wrong through Gods way.

To be real or to not to be? just choose allready

One of the things that bug me?
When a band says their christians,but do things that are not gloryifying to God.
I know noone is perfect,ok?> but cussing,drinking,partying (in a bar)?
how is that being a christian?
How can somebodys music be so good and have so much meaning behind it?, and CHRISTIAN!, and then the next day that band has pictures of them drinking or a post that has cuss words in it?

it's hard to have respect in anyone when they don't even know what it means to be a christian
-Cassie